And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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