...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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