Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize