Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
where does the pee come out of this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize