So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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