i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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