I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize