ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize