I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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