I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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