if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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