the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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