I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize