I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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