i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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