i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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