I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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