the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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