I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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