but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
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Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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