I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize