my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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