It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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