Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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