o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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