then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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