i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
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we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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