This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize