my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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