I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
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does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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