I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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