I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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