You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I love black thongs
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
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he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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