i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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