If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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