i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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