I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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