I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He did a backflip because drugs
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