I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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