Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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