Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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