I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize