i think my tv is drunk
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
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I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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