woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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