New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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