Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Screwed.edu
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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