if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
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I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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