I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
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I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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