Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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