i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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